Your Tax Dollars at Work

Well, mine at least, but come to think of it they probably get a federal grant for all the military-type gear . . . What I'm talking about: I hired the kid next door to help me paint my house, he's like 13. So last Sunday I'm up on a ladder and the pot chopper flies right over us. It seemed like it was about eight feet above my head. We heard a nasty snarl coming at us, louder and louder, until right as it passed over the sound nearly blew out my ear drums. "Whoa," said the kid, "That helicopter had a gun." Yep, they had a 50 caliber machine gun sticking out the door. I explained to him that it was the state police and they were looking for marijuana farms in the state forest. "Why don't they just walk around?" said the kid. "I know where there are two of them." The reason is, obviously, that state police don't like to stumble around in the woods getting lost and mosquito-bitten. They like to fly around in military helicopters with machine guns. A couple of years ago they did manage to spot some plants. I wasn't around that day but the neighbors tell me they set up a military style encampment in a cornfield and headed up into the woods wearing black Nazi storm-trooper style uniforms with body armor and their pants tucked into their boots. They came back down with six little plants. Let's get clear about something. Anybody growing pot in the woods around here is not the Zeta cartel and they aren't up there defending their operation with automatic weapons. They're local teenagers and underemployed roofers who are hoping to get a few ounces of bud for the lonely winter and maybe make a few hundred bucks. Now I realize it's conservation land and it's supposed to be left to its natural devices and all that except for hunters, and they probably can't just say what the heck, you wanna grow weed up there knock yourself out. But this is ridiculous.